WELCOME BACK

Grazia Australia March 1, 2010

Vogue Australia May 2010

I, for one, (obviously) am hyped to see tanning coming back into high fashion photo shoots - and I am not talking about new season bags and shoes.

THIS is what an official spray tan looks like. Act like you (cottdamm) know.

And the Vogue Oz shoot is precisely why (spray) tanning should be perennial. I do not care if you can only see my face in winter - seeing ANY skin is reason enough, thank you very much.

Holla if ya hear me.

Images courtesy of Grazia Australia and Vogue Australia.

P.s. Would take any, and all, of these garments.... Ridiculous.

WORK

Some images from a shoot (Stradbroke Island) - BRONZ'D tanning in the house! (...or on the beach actually....)

Thanks to Israel and Nat for making my work look soooooo good... ;)

Seriously, though - these are 2 extremely talented artists that I've been sincerely fortunate to be involved with.

Images courtesy of Natalie Lynn (check her link on the right side bar) with MORE coming really soon!

VIVA ITALIA TAN

Big ups to RC for embracing the tan in the new decade!

But let's face it - Bob has never really been afraid of being truly tanfastic. History will show and prove...

Here...


Here...

And here! (this one's really good...)

The Jersey Shore kids have been vindicated this year!! (although, there is a fine, but CLEAR line between bronzed and tandoori (yees, as you can see - even mighty Bert (and Kate!) have fallen victim)).

Look forward to Snooki's guest appearance in the up and coming campaigns!! (Jk - but, don't front - weirder 'isht HAS happened).

Spring/Summer '10 image courtesy of http://www.fashionising.com/

PEEP TOM

This has got to be one of Tom Ford's tamer campaigns... It actually suits him!

Spring/Summer 2010 - very cute and cheeky and cool.

I'm submitting this one 'cause I LOVE the tan lines.

See a fuller collection of shots over at http://www.thehouseofpretty.com/

YOU NEED THIS

As we consummate consumers of vast, varying arrays of beauty products are acutely aware, many times you can read a review, get a recommendation - even see something someone else is wearing - and think "I NEED that! (...immediately - if not, sooner!)", only to get home, crack it open, put it on (in the harsh daylight) and need some post-traumatic stress counselling.

Whatever it was that you just spent your month's disposable income on (with the to-die-for packaging) is actually a piece of crap - and WHAT do you do with it now because it's been 'used'?!? (..besides sit and watch that feeling of euphoria (that is almost better than the perfect product) go hurtling toward the dumpster where it would soon be followed by the offending 'beauty' product...)

If you are into bronzers, I am here to guide you (actually, my BFF is here to guide me to guide you - aficionado, arbiter, authority, devotee, specialist are terms not sufficient to describe her 'skill'...).

DuWop Revolotion is the product you've waiting for your whole life (I am not overstating this). It is a bronzer, moisturiser and SPF all in one. All I can say in regard to this product, is - refer to the title of this post.

I must warn you though, before you become completely enamoured with this miracle -to add to its extreme allure, procuring a tube can be one of the most arduous journeys you'll ever make in your personal beauty regime career - BECAUSE - it's not just a matter of getting a tube of DuWop Revolotion.

There are 2 different colours.

One makes you look how you look in your dreams when you are wearing a Herve Leger bandage dress and Louboutins toying with David Beckham/Pharrell Williams/George Clooney/Ashton Kutcher's emotions (nooo..... remember? Rob Patterson does NOT dig the bronzed effect...). Aaaand, THE OTHER?

Well, it makes you look as though you've been spat out of a community-college pottery-turning class (and Patrick Swayze REALLY ain't coming to your assistance, either...).

Trust me on this - you MUST only purchase the 'deep' colour of this product. You do NOT want the 'medium' colour.

That said, hop onto http://www.sephora.com/ , dedicate your life to checking religiously when the 'deep' stock is in and get in line - I just may see you there...

TAN YOUR HIDE

I'm thinking there's another direction U.S. Congress could go with their current pre-occupation (that I am behind wholeheartedly...) toward deterring people from U.V. exposure via sunbeds....

Instead of hitting 'em on their hip pocket with the 'tanning' tax, Congress could do how they do with the consumption of tobacco, and wage full assault on the general (tanning) public's visual senses of what could very well be their fate, should they continue such irresponsible tanning practises.

Take it away, visual aid, Donatella Versace!

Imagine walking into your local 'Tropical Burn' (or whatever...) salon and being confronted with a life-sized D.V. eye-balling you - equal parts heckling, daring, seducing (even! hehehe...) you onto the tanning bed....*Shudder+Cold Sweat*.

You cannot convince me that a spraytan looks worse than this.

Scarred.

More in this particular series of truly disturbing health warnings over at - http://www.celebuzz.com/donatella-versace-tans-st-barts-g170191i33870261/

KATY, AFTER YOU'VE WATCHED THE COMMERCIAL, READ THIS ARTICLE

"DAD'S ILLNESS INSPIRES FAKE TAN"

http://www.themercury.com.au/article/2010/01/20/122891_lifestyle.html


If you scroll down slightly, you'll see my rampage on Katy Price this week....

Just wanted to add to that. This article is from Tasmania.

Tasmania, Katy! Where the climate could easily rival the UK, and perhaps the need to feel like you might wanna get warm and toasty... and tanned.

Like I said in the previous post, Katy Price is exercising her free will - good for her.

These are just some more of the facts.

image courtesty of http://www.themercury.com.au/

LUNDZAY...

The grind didn't stop over the Christmas break for the paps, with them catchin our girl 'working on her tan'.....

You may remember in a previous post, Lundzay was showin' out on the red carpet with her special white-cotton-socks tan style, and here we have the knee-high-boot extravaganza - which leads me to believe the only thing she's working on with her tan is removing it incrementally by way of completely inappropriate footwear immediately after her spray appointment.

You'd think she might have the hang of the post-spray developing ritual by now....

Clearly not.

image courtesy of http://www.mirror.co.uk/

EH??

Now this really is a curious thing.... spraytanning has become so truly pervasive on the global grooming scene that even black chicks want one??? (...and we really gotta get into someone else's tan besides Lundzay's - although my money's on Brooke Hogan and Katey Price to duke it out for top billing in the white girl stakes...)

I heard rumours a while ago, that the Queen Be(yonce) got em, but now Alicia and Keri could be giving the game away here with some bad, baaad DHA (dihydroxyacetone, people...the 'ish that makes you brown (or orange - depending on your level of misfortune on spray day...).

Okay - there could be a few things going on here...

Having sporadically fallen victim of being captured by the lens with a tangerine mug myself, I've become somewhat sympathetic to the insane level of criticism celebrities endure in response to their tanning adventures. Case in point - from one week to the next, I wore the same tan, same makeup, but was under different lighting and photos were taken with a different exposure on a different camera (and i was standing next to fluorescent people...relativity - it can make ALL the difference...) the ensuing result was RIDICULOUS - not to mention embarrassing. I'm sure I'm not the first person in history to notice a remarkable contrast in the colour of something in a photograph to how it looks in real life. So with that in mind, let us proceed...

My professional opinion here with these particular girls is this - it really doesn't look like fake tan mishap to me with Keri - just an off-match with her foundation. Which ain't her fault - her particular makeup artist was having a bad day that day, or ran out of Keri's colour or the lighting in the makeup room was booty... OR the lighting and photo exposure when the shots were taken

weren't balanced. I'm going with bad match with the foundation, as the blogger who first posted this pic pointed out the (slightest) colour disparity between hand and face. BUT...AS IF she's the first girl to ever have mismatched makeup! It's almost the (unintentionally) done thing with ANYONE that wears foundation - in fact, it's so epidemic, it's 98% of all cosmetic companies' shtick for luring eternally hopeful consumers to their particular products - the promise of correctly-matched makeup.

I'm giving her a pass on this one - AND spraytans for that matter.

As for Alicia?? Is she gettin into her Italian heritage, channelling some "Jersey Shore" malarky right here?

These are pap photos taken outside on what looks like a bright sunny day (overexposure should help bleach colour out, if anything...) and this looks to me like a grubby tan layered up with the wrong foundation - and the disparity between her hand and face?? Wow.

Alicia, stay away from it....half Italian, half BLACK - you really (really) don't need it.

Leave it to us sick (but epidermically responsible!) whiteys that ache for any kind of colour (even orange sometimes... *resigned sigh*).

images courtesy of crunk&disorderly http://www.crunktastical.net/

EH??

....it was really only a matter of time before someone tried to piggyback off the concept of the startlingly popular thesatorialist.com - but i did not see this one coming.

James Read (or Reid, depending on who's reporting it), UK 'celebrity' tan technician, has apparently just launched a website, called thetanalist, where he pictorially cronicles random people on the street, based on their......tans.


In the UK.
Where they have 4 days of sunshine annually (ripe land for spraytans in one sense, I realise - but not for skin-baring. A contradiction perhaps, I also realise - but I'm trying to grasp this concept by looking at one of the publicity shots for the website, and all you can see on the faux polaroid is the girl's face, because SHE'S COVERED FROM NECK TO ASSUMED TOE in fall/winter garb). http://www.elleuk.com/news/Beauty-News/james-read-launches-tanning-website/(gid)/447194

What?

Ummmm.... okay.

I'm from Queenzland, Oztrahlia, where, for close to 9 months of the year, swimwear is almost considered formal wear - and while I (TOTALLY) understand tanorexia, I'm still trying to get my head around paying lots of pounds for a spraytan, so i can just show my face....take a look for yourself. http://www.thetantalist.com/ (accompanying music is special...)


Could be interesting to see how this goes down. Maybe...


Keep you updated.

PUT THE SOLUTION DOWN

She's at it again. Right in the middle of some b.s....

Apparently, Lundz is being sued for STEALING (!!) the formula for some tanning solution and slappin her own label on it - SEVIN NYNE

....Reckon she could steal a dictionary?? (..says me that couldn't find the 'e' in bronzd...)

image courtesy of thesuperfical.com

LUNDZAY...

Here's our lovable Lundzay (serial tanning f#!%-up) once again (...) showing us what NOT to do with your spray tan.

Man, this chick is killing my business - the amount of work i've gotta do to undo what she does for the reputation of spraytanning...

Still, it makes for fun posting! Enjoy...

TAN ON, TAN OFF...

If you are a spraytan... devotee (addict, junkie and psycho are such strong words...) then you will know that getting that old tan off at the end of the spray week ranks right up there next to root canal, visits to the gynie, doing taxes. Even when it's looking like old Uncle Marvin's disturbing skin disorder, that 'ish stays stuck harder than V.Becks to a Hermes Birkin.

This beauty rigmarole is so reviled because it usually looks (and feels) like, for some creative reason, you went forth with a cheese grater to get the stuff off your epidermis.
It's only the memory (...and the angels singing and dancing around the promise) of the new, fresh spraytan that pushes you forward to bother week to week.

Enter Nutrimetics Nutri-Rich Shower Oil.
This is one of those cases where a product does an entirely other thing to what was intended - and we should all bow down to that. This right here... is magic (no, really).

Not only does it melt (yes, melt!) your existing tan off, it leaves your skin feeling hydrated (not lying...) AND it smells yummy!

So, hunt down that local Nutrimetics lady and get you some (then make her your b.f.f.). It should retail between $20 and $30 a bottle.

*Pro tip - you can use it on a loofah mitt/body glove in the shower, but if you have the time to soak in a bath, you will use waay less product (2 tablespoons max), less water and the results are even better!

Mr Miyagi would be proud.

IT'S NOT JUST FOR HAMMERED HOLLYWOOD STARLETS (and you don't have to look (or smell!) like a Halloween pumpkin!)

It's time to give tanning some (sun)shine...

For alot of my cousins in the Northern Hemisphere, spraytanning is the (unintentionally) hilarious and frivolous, exclusive domain of drug-addled celebutantes and their starry-eyed, zombie-esque disciples, and it usually involves Tandoori inspired mishaps of Halloween-level ghoulishness.

In my travels up North, when discussion turns to this subject, I'm often met with the query, "Why don't you just lay out??".

Well, here in the land Down Under (yep, the big one positioned under that hole in the ozone layer...) 'laying out' just ain't an option (no - 'melanoma' is not a delicious cocktail made with cantaloupes...).

Here, spraytanning is actually seen as the ONLY responsible and sun-sensible option to get you that goood colour - and we are serious about our product. Should a spraytanning establishment dare deliver even a mildly peach-toned service, their name is terracotta-coloured MUD.

So, as the temperature (Celsius, thank you...) climbs rapidly in the coming weeks, BRONZD will be showcasing some of the more intriguing tanning products available - some gimmicky, some the real deal - so stay tuned.

And in the meanwhile... Happy Halloween!!